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Keighlians

David Earnshaw

Helping Managers manage a little better....gawd help us!


A TWO MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson One

An eagle was perched at the very top of a tree resting on a one of it's branches. A small rabbit noticed this and asked the eagle if he could also sit on his ass and do nothing?
Sure replied the eagle go knock yourself out..!
So the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested. Suddenly, a fox appeared jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting on your ass doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

 

Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree” sighed the turkey “but I haven’t got the energy to achieve it”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my manure droppings?” replied the bull “they’re packed with nutrients”
The turkey pecked at the lumps of manure, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.

 Management Lesson:Bullshit might get you to the top but it won’t keep you there.

 

Lesson Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter however due to the cold weather the bird soon froze and fell to the ground landing in a large field. Unfortunately as the bird lay there exhausted a cow strolled by and dropped some dung on it.

Nevertheless as the frozen bird lay there in this pile of cow dung he began to realize just how warm the dung was, and how this warmth was actually thawing him out!

He lay there happy, warm, and soon began to sing for joy.

At that very moment a passing cat over heard the bird singing for joy and went to investigate. As the cat followed the sound he discovered the bird under the pile of dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson:

1) Not everyone that shits on you is your enemy.

2) Not everyone who get you out of the shit is your friend.

3) And when you're in deep shit it's best to keep your mouth shut!

 

 

This ends your two minute management course.

 

 

 

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